I Am Silently Correcting Your Grammar

For many years, I taught high school English. Yes, I deserve a medal. No, I never got one. Seriously, I loved almost every minute of it! Now, I’m just another old retired teacher who wonders frequently if the people around me learned anything at all while they were in school.

Now I confess that for many years, I made a conscious effort to not correct anyone’s grammar outside of the classroom. Friends and family could speak freely in my company without fearing that I would point out their mistakes or embarrass them by publicly correcting them. The people I encountered in public places were safe from my judgment. Obviously I was making mental notes and cataloging everything that came out of their mouths, but I maintained my silence. (My mother did teach me manners and I did listen.)

Now I’ve reached the age where I can freely express my feelings, but sadly, years of holding back have mellowed my temperament, and alas, I still find myself only silently correcting the outrageous grammatical mistakes I hear and see all around me. It’s my own fault, I suppose, for exposing myself by engaging in dangerous behaviors such as texting, tweeting, and posting to Facebook. Tragically, in my opinion, too many people are not sufficiently educated for such language driven media.

According to an article I read recently, texting can be blamed for causing a general decline in the ability to spell. Honestly, I am myself one of those lazy guilty texters who routinely throw spelling out the window in favor of the shortest form available. I excuse myself by falling back on my old coaching and teaching advice that one should know the rules, and be able to follow the rules, before setting out to break the rules. When I text, I have to intentionally ignore my brain which is yelling at me the correct spelling of every other word. I know the rules, therefore, I’m allowed to break the rules. I suppose that’s illogical, but my brain differentiates between ignorance and willful disobedience.

Reading tweets and posts and memes on social media, I frequently encounter errors. Spellcheck has convinced most people, even educated ones, that the spelling must be correct if there aren’t any squiggly lines under it. The most obvious mistakes are the ones Spellcheck ignores, such as your, you’re, and the classic there, they’re, and their.  (My wife hates to see people use to instead of too.) To me, worse than the spelling, are the subject-verb agreement (or disagreement) errors. I suppose that’s because I spent so much time in class teaching those rules.

Regardless, (or irregardless if you want to have that argument), there are always plenty of things to find objectionable online, least of all grammar. Considering the political garbage that is thrown up by both sides these days, I have a hard time working up much enthusiasm for correcting English, so for the most part, when I see grammatical mistakes, I smile, allow myself to feel superior, berate myself for my ego, and then go on with my life. My brain, however, will continue to monitor and correct your usage of the English language. Silently, of course.