Why I Hate the Dallas Cowboys

I just finished watching the series All or Nothing, the Dallas Cowboys, recently released on Amazon Prime. As a hater (and knowing how the season ended), I viewed it as a comedy and thoroughly enjoyed it! Honestly, I would recommend the series which featured the Arizona Cardinals and the Los Angeles Rams in previous seasons. It is an intriguing look at the day to day operations of an NFL team and provides some fascinating insights into the coaches and players over the course of a single season. The series is narrated by Jon Hamm who does a great job!

In the first two seasons, we saw two teams who aimed high and came up short. Although I was not a fan of either team, I found myself pulling for their success and agonizing with their failures. Choosing Dallas for season 3 was very interesting. Coming off a 13-3 season, the Cowboys were supposed to be the team to finally win it all. Once again, the featured team failed in their quest, but this time, I thoroughly enjoyed their failure. Before I go on, let me spell out the reasons I hate the Dallas Cowboys.

First, I can’t stand the owner. I freely admit that I was a big fan of Tom Landry’s Cowboys. When Jerry Jones bought the team and promptly fired the legendary coach, I was crushed. I stuck by the team through the Jimmy Johnson years, but when Barry Switzer was hired, I gave up.  I have never cheered for the Cowboys since.

Second, I can’t stand the coach. I truly believe Jason Garrett is a mediocre coach, at best, whose number one qualification is his willingness to kiss butt and let the owner run the team without complaining. I did applaud his plan for winning Coach of the Year. Step one, underachieve and get a higher than deserved draft pick. (Not quite as obvious as the Colts “Suck for Luck” season, but the “Reek for Zeke” season does come close. Seriously, for both of these teams, even if you lose your QB, you don’t have to lie down and quit the rest of the year!) Step two, pray for the weakest schedule in the NFL and beat the Browns every other week. Three, actually win the games where you have the most talent on the field. Wow, Coach of the Year!

Third, I can’t stand the team’s star players. Dak, Zeke, and Dez are awful. These arrogant, cocky, entitled stars are the worst and I just can’t bring myself to cheer for any of them. And when they lose, is there a bigger collection of whiners and babies in the whole league? (Congrats to Dez for getting off the sinking ship! Maybe he will be less of a jerk playing for another team.) Now, I do have some players I like, but I’ll save those for later.

Finally, I can’t stand the fans. Maybe this should have been number one. For a team that hasn’t even played in a Super Bowl in over twenty years, the fans sure talk a lot of trash! And they seriously think they’re going to win it all every year! And quit calling yourself America’s Team.

So, back to the program. After watching, I have changed my views on a few things. Don’t be alarmed, I am still a proud supporter of the Dallas Cowboy Hater Nation. (#DCHN) My biggest surprise was how much I liked the Jones family, even Jerry. They are truly a nice group of people and I really enjoyed seeing them interact with the players and each other. Watching Jerry at a high school football game supporting his grandson and raving about the hot dogs was great. I guess I’ll have to stop saying I hate the owner.

Watching Coach Garrett, I have to say I have not changed my opinion. He plays around a lot. I think he still wishes he were the QB and not the coach. I found it very irritating that he refers to his players by their numbers instead of their names the majority of the time. He cheerleads a lot. He gives a good pep talk, but I honestly never saw anything that would make me think he is a brilliant or even average strategist.

As for the star players, I still want to puke every time one of the big three is on the screen. Cocky, arrogant jerks! I did find several players that I really liked. Jason Witten is a class act and now that he is retiring, I have one fewer reason to ever cheer for the team. I loved watching the Smith brothers, Rod and Jaylon. Very inspirational! And watching Alfred Morris with his ’91 Mazda was great. I wish these guys the best of luck, even if they are Cowboys!

In summary, I highly recommend the All or Nothing series, even season 3. If you are a football fan, you will find it a fascinating program. As for the Dallas Cowboys, I predict that they will soon return to their traditional 8-8 seasons of mediocrity where they beat the weak teams on the schedule and lose to the strong ones and finish the year at home watching the playoffs on TV and proclaiming their team motto, “Wait till next year!”