Why I STILL Hate the Dallas Cowboys

Sadly, I must confess that I have many friends who suffer from the grand delusion that the Dallas Cowboys are still (or ever were) America’s Team. I have expressed my feelings for the Cowgirls in a previous post https://rdperryauthor.blogspot.com/2018/05/why-i-hate-dallas-cowboys.html and for the most part, none of my opinions have changed.

Because of all these deluded friends, I can’t go on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram without being bombarded by all the latest news on the team. (Of course, as a proud member of the Dallas Cowboy Hater Nation #DCHN, I do get tons of hilarious posts and memes at their expense.) So with all the excitement of the upcoming free agency period, here are my current thoughts on the team.

Sign whoever you want, to whatever outrageous contract you want, it won’t matter – you still suck!

I think my friends have forgotten one simple undeniable fact – With Dak and Zeke and Amari and Witten and all those highly paid, over-hyped defensive players, the Cowboys went 8-8 last season! So seriously, who cares if they re-sign everybody. Didn’t help last year. Unless you count all those impressive wins over those weak teams with losing records (who also stayed home during the playoffs).

Now, they have made a huge upgrade at Head Coach with the hiring of Mike McCarthy. Even I will Clap (LOL) for that! So, maybe they will over-achieve and finish 9-7 this season. 

Meanwhile, QB Dak Prescott seems destined to follow in the footsteps of Tony Romo. Great statistics, Dak (Tony). I love having you on my FANTASY team. IRL, not so much! 8-8 remember? Take that huge contract, Dak (Tony) and while you single-handedly suck up a third or more of the salary cap for the entire team, stop complaining about not having enough support, or a defense, or whatever.

Speaking of contracts, Dak says no to $33 million a year and a guarantee of more than $105 million? (Supposedly, he wants to be paid more per year than Russell Wilson. https://thelandryhat.com/2020/03/14/dallas-cowboys-getting-moiney-wants/) Seriously? In what universe does Dak Prescott deserve to be paid more than Russell Wilson? Or anybody else in the top ten or fifteen quarterbacks in the league? 8-8 remember? Win some playoff games (or actually make the playoffs) and then we can talk.

Probably, he’ll end up signing the exclusive franchise tag (placed on him by the team) which will pay him somewhere around $31.6 million (way more than he is worth IMHO). And he’ll be mad and hold out and all because how dare they offer him such a puny amount. Again, his stats were great, but compare his numbers against those weak teams with losing records to the stats he put up against the better teams and you’ll see a significant difference. Anyone remember how well he played against the Eagles with the division title and a playoff spot on the line? Do you really want to pay top dollar for a QB who only performs well against bottom tier opponents? That’s how you go 8-8.

But hey, that works for me. Super Virus or not, as long as the Cowboys go 8-8 every year, we know all is well with the world!