(Lack of) Motivation and Frustrations of the Writer

What motivates a writer? Considering the time and effort involved, (and the lack of tangible reward), why would someone willingly subject themselves to the tortures of writing? I cannot speak for others, but here goes my answer.

I wrote my first novel for one very simple reason, just to see if I could. My son Scott told me about NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month.  I was intrigued and because I had retired, I thought I would give it a try. I had written poems and short stories before, and I had occasionally dreamed of some day writing the “Great American Novel,” but now I had no real excuse for not at least making an attempt. So for thirty days in November of 2016, I typed until I hit the 50,000 word goal and I had written an actual novel!

I published that first novel a year after I started writing it. Even without counting the planning and outlining and mental preparation or the thirty days of actual writing, I spent a full eleven months editing, revising, and getting it ready to publish. I have yet to reach my original (somewhat modest) goal of selling fifty copies. My poetry collection spans two years of writing. There were poems that I typed out in less than five minutes and never changed a word. Other poems were revised and edited daily over a period of months until I was finally satisfied with the wording and the punctuation. Almost every poem was originally written without a title. In preparation for publishing, I gave each poem an official title. As before, some titles were obvious and took no thought or effort. Other titles were changed multiple times before they were finalized. To date, I have sold less than half as many copies as my first novel.

It is discouraging. It is depressing. It is maddening.

Clicking the Publish button is a fearful experience. (Then you spend hour after hour posting info about your book on every website you can find hoping to let the world know your masterpiece is available.) Checking your sales reports to see that no one is buying your book is more frustrating than I can describe. And nothing kills your motivation to write more effectively than the realization that what you are writing will likely be read by only a handful of family and friends. And some of them will purchase a copy they never get around to reading.

I am a writer by choice. I can blame no one else. When I chose to hit the Publish button and make my works available to the public, I was openly setting myself up for whatever came next. There are highs, of course. Holding the printed copy for the first time is glorious! Reading the first positive review is very affirming. Being able to sit with someone who has read your book and talk about the story and the characters knowing that you created them is amazing. At times like these, I feel like an actual writer!

But other times, reality comes crashing in to destroy your self-confidence. So now, a week after the release of my third book, I reluctantly check the latest sales report. The results are disappointing. Three copies purchased by me, two by the rest of the world. I remind myself that I don’t care about the money (I really don’t), but I was hoping more people would want to read this one. I don’t feel like writing today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day, I’ll get back to my current work in progress. Maybe next week.

So why do I write? Here is my honest truth. I am a writer. I have a story to tell, so I will tell it. If you choose, you may listen. And maybe you will find it worth your time. I hope so.